Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friday, February 25, 2005
Incarnate
Definition of "Incarnate" according to Dictionary.com:
Invested with bodily nature and form: an incarnate spirit
Embodied in human form; personified
The phrase "incarnational theology" has been pestering me lately. In common parlance, the fundamental understanding is that as God became incarnate in the person of Jesus Christ, God calls us to become faith incarnate for the lives of others.
I get this.
On a simple, evangelical level, this makes sense to me. I understand it and can get my mind around it.
Then I try to live it.
Have you ever been faith incarnate? Really? If faith is gift, then is it equally wacky to assume that we can possibly ever become gift incarnate?
I'm not saying that we aren't gifts. But it is a little weird for us to make the leap to claiming that we are gift incarnate/faith incarnate.
All we can do is to strive and try. This is fraught with danger, however. How can we possibly believe that this is who we can be?
I'm equally made nervous when people tell us to "be like Jesus", or to try and figure out "What would Jesus do?"
I am not Jesus. How can I possibly know what Jesus would do? Much of human mischief throughout our history has been done in the name of Jesus. How could we possibly be so arrogant as to think that what we do is the same as what Jesus would do?
I'm not even sure that I can strive to be like Jesus.
I may have to be content to strive to strive...
Invested with bodily nature and form: an incarnate spirit
Embodied in human form; personified
The phrase "incarnational theology" has been pestering me lately. In common parlance, the fundamental understanding is that as God became incarnate in the person of Jesus Christ, God calls us to become faith incarnate for the lives of others.
I get this.
On a simple, evangelical level, this makes sense to me. I understand it and can get my mind around it.
Then I try to live it.
Have you ever been faith incarnate? Really? If faith is gift, then is it equally wacky to assume that we can possibly ever become gift incarnate?
I'm not saying that we aren't gifts. But it is a little weird for us to make the leap to claiming that we are gift incarnate/faith incarnate.
All we can do is to strive and try. This is fraught with danger, however. How can we possibly believe that this is who we can be?
I'm equally made nervous when people tell us to "be like Jesus", or to try and figure out "What would Jesus do?"
I am not Jesus. How can I possibly know what Jesus would do? Much of human mischief throughout our history has been done in the name of Jesus. How could we possibly be so arrogant as to think that what we do is the same as what Jesus would do?
I'm not even sure that I can strive to be like Jesus.
I may have to be content to strive to strive...
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Test Photo
I'm just learning how to post photos. This is Nathan and I.
http://www.lordoflifeyouth.org/user_files/image/thumb/todd_100.jpg">
What right?
An interesting question came up today in my cpe group. This isn't actually the question, but is kind of an attempt at recreating and meshing questions.
What right do we have to enter into the lives of others?
What is the balance between sharing our faith and imposing our faith?
What is the difference between "their" need to hear (as we define it) and "our" need to share (as we define it)?
Why did I put quotes around those words?
One of my colleagues talked about the level of discomfort she feels with sharing. Coming from a family with not many connections to the Christian faith, they would not want (and would be offended by) a chaplain's visit.
If a person does not request "no visit", how do we balance call with hospitality?
I'm going to play with this for awhile.
What right do we have to enter into the lives of others?
What is the balance between sharing our faith and imposing our faith?
What is the difference between "their" need to hear (as we define it) and "our" need to share (as we define it)?
Why did I put quotes around those words?
One of my colleagues talked about the level of discomfort she feels with sharing. Coming from a family with not many connections to the Christian faith, they would not want (and would be offended by) a chaplain's visit.
If a person does not request "no visit", how do we balance call with hospitality?
I'm going to play with this for awhile.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Leavings
People come and go from lives, from homes, from workplaces. There is such a thing as a good "leaving." It is about both content and about method.
Content: Is the leaving itself good? Will there be benefit? Will there be forward progress by bringing to a close a relationship set?
Method: Was it done respectfully? Was it done with care?
There is good leaving.
There is bad leaving.
I've been thinking about how it is to "take leave" of someone of someplace. Not that I'm thinking about leaving anything, but I've experienced some leavings lately.
Is there honesty?
Is there truthtelling?
Is there grace?
If yes, then it is a good leave-taking.
I'll let you know.
Content: Is the leaving itself good? Will there be benefit? Will there be forward progress by bringing to a close a relationship set?
Method: Was it done respectfully? Was it done with care?
There is good leaving.
There is bad leaving.
I've been thinking about how it is to "take leave" of someone of someplace. Not that I'm thinking about leaving anything, but I've experienced some leavings lately.
Is there honesty?
Is there truthtelling?
Is there grace?
If yes, then it is a good leave-taking.
I'll let you know.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Clarity of air and thought
This past weekend I spent a couple of day skiing Big Sky and Bridger Bowl out in Montana. How cool was it? Very.
I'm not really much of a skier anymore. I don't do it eonough (once/year with the group) to be any good at it. But I like it.
Even more though is just liking BEING there. Breathing the air. Seeing the mountains.
How can people look at something like that and speculate that there is not a God?
Inquiring minds...
Todd.
I'm not really much of a skier anymore. I don't do it eonough (once/year with the group) to be any good at it. But I like it.
Even more though is just liking BEING there. Breathing the air. Seeing the mountains.
How can people look at something like that and speculate that there is not a God?
Inquiring minds...
Todd.
Endorsement Essay
Todd E. Buegler
February 15, 2005
Endorsement Essay
Minneapolis Area Synod of the ELCA
I. Call to Ministry
As I’ve explored issues around my sense of call in the past three years, I have searched scripture for wisdom. I have sought a Biblical image that would inform both the process of discernment I was undergoing, and the “product” of that discernment.
I have wondered about the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Has my life and ministry been a struggle? Have I been resisting, and am now caving in to the will of God for my life? The problem with this image is that it presupposes a conflict. While there are times that I have felt conflicted, the reality is that there is not time in the past 18 years (or longer) that I have felt particularly “at odds” with God’s will. In fact, I feel quite good about the life and ministry I have been a part of in my time at Lord of Life.
I have wondered about the story of Jonah, running away from God. Have I spent the past 18 years in denial of God’s call to me? Have I been “running?” No. I am certain that this is not the case. I feel that God has called me to serve in the capacity of an Associate in Ministry in Youth and Family Ministry. To think otherwise would be to discount the value of this form of ministry and the time I have given to it. Clearly, God has been at work in my life, and it did not take a “storm” to shake me out of my denial.
I have wondered about the call to Moses, and his belief that he could not perform the tasks that God was asking. Have I been afraid to take on pastoral ministry? Do I feel ill-equipped to serve as a pastor? No. It is clear to me that I have been given the gifts and skills to serve in this capacity. I believe that God has blessed me, and has led me to this spiritual and vocational place. I am at peace with this call.
Finally, I wonder about the disciple Peter. He wanted very much to be like and to follow his Rabbi. So much so that he was willing to step out of the boat and walk on water. But he lacked the faith to continue his journey. Was my decision 17 years ago to leave the m.div program at Luther Seminary and to switch to the M.A.-Youth and Family program a lack of faith in God’s call to me? No. I resolutely believe that I am called to youth and family ministry. The call I have been a part of for the past 18 years has been of value to my congregation, and to myself. I feel as good about the decision I made in 1988 as I do about the decision I make today.
If there is a Biblical image that I believe applies to my call and my life right now, it is the statement in the Book of Isaiah, 43:1, when the prophet states “I have called you by name, you are mine.” My understanding of call, vocation and life is rooted in my baptism. I have come to realize that my call is not dependent on anything that I “do”, or if I “wrestle with” or “run away” from God. In my baptism 39 years ago, God claimed me and called me into a life of faith and promised to be present throughout my life. Even when I have wandered, God has remained faithful, and has called me back, even seeking me out. Each new phase of my life has been grounded in those gifts. My parents taught and nurtured my beliefs, my home congregation developed my faith, my friends accompanied me, my college challenged me, my seminary trained me and my wife and children have made my life full. These have all been tremendous gifts from a God who began gifting me in the new covenant found in the font at Diamond Lake Lutheran Church in south Minneapolis. And today, as then, I believe that God is saying “this is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” Out of thankfulness and gratitude, I strive to serve as God has called. My life is (hopefully) living evidence of the claim of God upon me.
In my time at Lord of Life Lutheran Church, Maple Grove, I have had unbelievable opportunities to lead. My entire tenure there has been an incredible opportunity to learn from amazing colleagues and a wonderful congregation. I have been able to watch great pastors, gifted lay staff and faithful members working together to build this congregation both in width and depth. The gifts of all of these people, blessed by the Holy Spirit have been needed for this congregation to grow into one of the ten largest in our denomination.
During my time there I have felt my role shift. As the congregation and its staff have grown, I have been through a process of personal and vocational evolution. I began my ministry as the “solo” youth and family ministry staff person, who had all responsibilities relationally, programmatically and logistically. We have transformed to a place where I am involved in the supervision of staff and the leader of a professional and volunteer team. The best analogy I can come up with is the shift from “player” to “coach.” As time has progressed, I have shifted from a role of “programmatic” leadership (although I am still involved in much of this) to one of “spiritual” or “pastoral” leadership.
It is important to me that this “shift” not be perceived as any kind of discounting of my role in the past 17 years as a rostered lay person, or of lay ministry in general. Quite the opposite: I have been and will continue to be a strong advocate for the ministry of all the baptized. It is just that I have felt my own personal sense of call shift to something else.[1] I am excited at the idea of becoming a pastor in the ELCA. I feel that my vocation will align itself with this evolving sense of call.
I believe that God calls me to serve within the arena of the church and in particular, congregational ministry. While my congregational experience has been limited to Lord of Life Lutheran Church of Maple Grove, that experience has been vast and varied. However, I believe in the work of the larger church as a primary manifestation of God’s Spirit on earth, and I have a strong commitment to that work. This is evidenced by my volunteer work in and support of our synodical youth ministries, ELCA Churchwide Youth Ministries, the ELCA Youth Ministry Network and my role teaching as an adjunct instructor at Luther Seminary. I seek out opportunities to network and share in gifts at all of these levels, and I work to facilitate the same sense of sharing for and among others.
II. Faithfulness to the Church’s Confession
God seeks me out and gifts me with life, love, family and all that I have. God does this in spite of the fact that I have done nothing to deserve it and in fact regularly break relationship with God. Despite my sinful nature, God has chosen to redeem me, restoring me to life and relationship through the redemption found in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. How this happens is an awe-inspiring mystery to me, but a mystery I am called to explore and examine. God’s Spirit works in the world, fussing with the lives of God’s people. This Spirit uses the people of God, the church and all of creation to work in the world.
What God chooses to do, and how God chooses to act in the world is again, a mystery. But again, that mystery is one that God calls us to embrace, to live in, and to work and do ministry within.
I am committed to the beliefs and the confessions of the Lutheran Church. They represent a theology that is relevant, grace-oriented and dynamic. The prospect of helping people to understand and to experience God’s love and grace is something that excites me.
One of the things that has become clear to me in the past 3 years is that I feel called to proclamation and to the administration of Word and Sacrament in a way I never have before. These acts are central to our faith and to our identity as Lutherans. I am intentional in this issue of identity. Much has been said in recent years about the diminishing role of denominations and their lack of relevance. Congregations have been shifting away from common denominational identifiers to remove any “red flags” for people (especially younger generations) that might cause a person to look elsewhere.
While I understand this argument and the logic behind it, I believe the cost of abandoning our identity is too great. To borrow the cliché, “if you try to be everything to everybody all of the time, odds are, you’ll wind up being not much to anybody barely any of the time.” Each denomination, our own included, has a particular identity and world view. These are important in understanding what a faith community believes, what it does, and why it does it. Our Lutheran worldview presents a unique perspective on the gospel; one which resonates with me. I am excited to have a new leadership role in such a church. I believe that this identity is not a deficit, but is an asset.
What would be my primary functions if ordained? How would I remain “diligent and faithful” as a pastor? Primarily this would happen by administering the Word and Sacraments. Likewise though, by being a manifestation of God’s grace, love and faith in others and providing pastoral care to people who struggle in their faith journey. By standing up for those in need and who are oppressed, and by continuing to study scripture, theology and the ministry of the church.
What is the role of the church? It is to be one of the primary ways that Christ’s love and Spirit continue to become incarnate in the lives of people and the world. The church is made up, quite simply of the people of God, gathered together in Christ’s name. This happens in numerous ways: worship, service, fellowship, learning and growth. Each church stands as a place where the community gathers to celebrate gifts and to be empowered to work in the world. It is this last step where I believe that we as the church tend to fall short. We are good a gathering, but need to develop our understanding that ministry is daily life. The banker or insurance agent that worships on Sunday is equally responsible to do ministry in their home, with their family, in their workplace and wherever they go.
The church stands to help its people understand this call, and to train and prepare them for these tasks.
III. Faithful Living
Initially I believed that reflecting on my personal, vocational and spiritual development since entering the candidacy process would be challenging. I have only been in the candidacy process for four months. Still, as I have worked at this process, I have made some observations about my own life and faith.
The process of telling people about my decision to pursue this new sense of call has been itself an exercise in “parking lot theology”. The reactions of people was interesting. Overall, there was a great deal of excitement and support. Some people fell into the “we were wondering when you were going to get around to this” category. Others, who knew my commitment to the ministry of the laity were surprised by the decision. My Mother cried with happiness. Most of the people I encountered were not at all surprised. One person said explained to me that “you have always been perceived pastorally, you have been pastoral in how you have tended the lives and faith of young people…it’s now just that your vocation is catching up with you.”
When I have talked with people about this change in my life, it has opened doors into new opportunities to think about and articulate my sense of call. I have been questioned, challenged, and have had to explain my faith story. This has helped influence and affirm my sense of call to pastoral ministry.
Secondly, since I began the candidacy process, I have entered into Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE). Even though it is still early in this process, it has already challenged me in my perception of what it is to be a “pastoral presence” for people. My greatest fear going into CPE was the challenge of walking in to a room with an emotionally charged situation around life and death. It was not accidental, then, that my Supervisor assigned me to the ER, ICU and Cardiac units at Unity Hospital in Fridley. In my first week on the cardiac floor I was in a situation where I was providing pastoral care to a man who was dying from chronic lung disease. He was unable to communicate, though the nurses suspected that he could hear. I knew nothing about his faith background, but spent time with him, spoke to him, read scripture and prayed. It was only later that I found out that he had been a Missouri Synod pastor for over 40 years.
This was one of the types of situations which I feared the most. Yet when I was actually there with him, I very much felt the presence of God. Issues of life and death are holy ground, and it was an honor to be present with him at this time. I felt very “at peace” with my role while I was in the room with him.
Since that day I have been thinking a great deal about my “pastoral identity.” My level of anxiety about life and death situations is still present, but my experiences to date at Mercy and Unity hospitals have taught me to be confident of the presence of God during these times. My sense of “pastoral identity” is not yet clear. I suspect that it will not ever be completely understood. But what I have come to realize since my entrance into the candidacy process is that I do have a pastoral identity. This, I think, gets at the heart of my sense of call.: It’s not that I am seeking to become a pastor; instead, my vocation is that of pastor. I am seeking to align my professional and vocational lives.
There are several places that contribute to the nourishment of my faith, health and well-being. My life is complicated and “overloaded.” “Multi-tasking” is a way of life for me. It is first and foremost the grace and love of God that carries me through times that are difficult. I have faith in God largely because I do make it through each day. Ironically, when I have distanced myself from God in our relationship, it goes unnoticed until I return to a more complete relationship. Then I recognize how far I have wandered. But it is my own will that wavers, not the love and grace of God.
Secondly, my life is made whole by my family. I am incredibly blessed with an amazing spouse and two incredible children. Together, these three bring such joy to my life that I cannot even describe it. Even after the worst possible day, it is walking into our home and seeing Lori, Nathan and Samuel that lifts my spirit. Within my life, these three people are the incarnation of God’s love. Just being privileged to watch the act of creation continue in the hearts and minds of our boys is a testament to me of what God is up to in the world. My faith is strengthened just being around the boys. And at their ages, they (especially Nathan, age 4) are exploring the “God-talk” that so pervades their lives. The questions and wonderings of these two boys prompt me to explore my own faith. My faith grows through them.
My congregation is another source of life for me. Lord of Life is a wonderful place to do ministry. I get to work with an amazing team of colleagues who are deeply committed to their work. When I started my ministry at Lord of Life, it was a community of 1700 members. Now, with over 7000, and being present 17 of its 25 years, I realize that to some extent, the congregation and I have “grown up” together. They have given me the freedom and the trust to try new things, and have allowed me to “fail” occasionally. There is a sense of life and joy in that place that infects my heart. I am honored to have been called to work with their young people.
I am also blessed with good friends. Though we all are older and have children now, thus seeing each other less often, when we do connect it is significant and meaningful. We have walked with each other through joy and tragedy and their example of unconditional love is a model of Christ in the world for me.
The phrase found in “Visions and Expectations” that I am to function as a public minister “whose life and conduct are above reproach” is in one way a simple affirmation: I agreed to live by those standards when I was certified as an Associate in Ministry in 1989. I have strived to be worthy of my call. That will not change.
In another way, however, I am deeply challenged by that phrase. (as I was in 1988.) All people, including those called to public leadership in the church, are sinners. We all make mistakes that can cause our motives, however pure they are, into question. We all think of ourselves first. We all have ego that gets in the way of ministry. We all make mistakes.
Luckily, I know that we have a God who forgives us. As I often say, “I’m really banking on grace!” In the meantime, I will continue to work hard to be a person of integrity, whose life reflects his faith.
But I can say with confidence, “yes, I will abide by the visions and expectations as an ordained minister of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.” I will do my best to live the life that God and the church calls me to, by and because of the grace of God.
[1] Please see my candidacy “Entrance Essay” for more details on this shift.
February 15, 2005
Endorsement Essay
Minneapolis Area Synod of the ELCA
I. Call to Ministry
As I’ve explored issues around my sense of call in the past three years, I have searched scripture for wisdom. I have sought a Biblical image that would inform both the process of discernment I was undergoing, and the “product” of that discernment.
I have wondered about the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Has my life and ministry been a struggle? Have I been resisting, and am now caving in to the will of God for my life? The problem with this image is that it presupposes a conflict. While there are times that I have felt conflicted, the reality is that there is not time in the past 18 years (or longer) that I have felt particularly “at odds” with God’s will. In fact, I feel quite good about the life and ministry I have been a part of in my time at Lord of Life.
I have wondered about the story of Jonah, running away from God. Have I spent the past 18 years in denial of God’s call to me? Have I been “running?” No. I am certain that this is not the case. I feel that God has called me to serve in the capacity of an Associate in Ministry in Youth and Family Ministry. To think otherwise would be to discount the value of this form of ministry and the time I have given to it. Clearly, God has been at work in my life, and it did not take a “storm” to shake me out of my denial.
I have wondered about the call to Moses, and his belief that he could not perform the tasks that God was asking. Have I been afraid to take on pastoral ministry? Do I feel ill-equipped to serve as a pastor? No. It is clear to me that I have been given the gifts and skills to serve in this capacity. I believe that God has blessed me, and has led me to this spiritual and vocational place. I am at peace with this call.
Finally, I wonder about the disciple Peter. He wanted very much to be like and to follow his Rabbi. So much so that he was willing to step out of the boat and walk on water. But he lacked the faith to continue his journey. Was my decision 17 years ago to leave the m.div program at Luther Seminary and to switch to the M.A.-Youth and Family program a lack of faith in God’s call to me? No. I resolutely believe that I am called to youth and family ministry. The call I have been a part of for the past 18 years has been of value to my congregation, and to myself. I feel as good about the decision I made in 1988 as I do about the decision I make today.
If there is a Biblical image that I believe applies to my call and my life right now, it is the statement in the Book of Isaiah, 43:1, when the prophet states “I have called you by name, you are mine.” My understanding of call, vocation and life is rooted in my baptism. I have come to realize that my call is not dependent on anything that I “do”, or if I “wrestle with” or “run away” from God. In my baptism 39 years ago, God claimed me and called me into a life of faith and promised to be present throughout my life. Even when I have wandered, God has remained faithful, and has called me back, even seeking me out. Each new phase of my life has been grounded in those gifts. My parents taught and nurtured my beliefs, my home congregation developed my faith, my friends accompanied me, my college challenged me, my seminary trained me and my wife and children have made my life full. These have all been tremendous gifts from a God who began gifting me in the new covenant found in the font at Diamond Lake Lutheran Church in south Minneapolis. And today, as then, I believe that God is saying “this is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” Out of thankfulness and gratitude, I strive to serve as God has called. My life is (hopefully) living evidence of the claim of God upon me.
In my time at Lord of Life Lutheran Church, Maple Grove, I have had unbelievable opportunities to lead. My entire tenure there has been an incredible opportunity to learn from amazing colleagues and a wonderful congregation. I have been able to watch great pastors, gifted lay staff and faithful members working together to build this congregation both in width and depth. The gifts of all of these people, blessed by the Holy Spirit have been needed for this congregation to grow into one of the ten largest in our denomination.
During my time there I have felt my role shift. As the congregation and its staff have grown, I have been through a process of personal and vocational evolution. I began my ministry as the “solo” youth and family ministry staff person, who had all responsibilities relationally, programmatically and logistically. We have transformed to a place where I am involved in the supervision of staff and the leader of a professional and volunteer team. The best analogy I can come up with is the shift from “player” to “coach.” As time has progressed, I have shifted from a role of “programmatic” leadership (although I am still involved in much of this) to one of “spiritual” or “pastoral” leadership.
It is important to me that this “shift” not be perceived as any kind of discounting of my role in the past 17 years as a rostered lay person, or of lay ministry in general. Quite the opposite: I have been and will continue to be a strong advocate for the ministry of all the baptized. It is just that I have felt my own personal sense of call shift to something else.[1] I am excited at the idea of becoming a pastor in the ELCA. I feel that my vocation will align itself with this evolving sense of call.
I believe that God calls me to serve within the arena of the church and in particular, congregational ministry. While my congregational experience has been limited to Lord of Life Lutheran Church of Maple Grove, that experience has been vast and varied. However, I believe in the work of the larger church as a primary manifestation of God’s Spirit on earth, and I have a strong commitment to that work. This is evidenced by my volunteer work in and support of our synodical youth ministries, ELCA Churchwide Youth Ministries, the ELCA Youth Ministry Network and my role teaching as an adjunct instructor at Luther Seminary. I seek out opportunities to network and share in gifts at all of these levels, and I work to facilitate the same sense of sharing for and among others.
II. Faithfulness to the Church’s Confession
God seeks me out and gifts me with life, love, family and all that I have. God does this in spite of the fact that I have done nothing to deserve it and in fact regularly break relationship with God. Despite my sinful nature, God has chosen to redeem me, restoring me to life and relationship through the redemption found in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. How this happens is an awe-inspiring mystery to me, but a mystery I am called to explore and examine. God’s Spirit works in the world, fussing with the lives of God’s people. This Spirit uses the people of God, the church and all of creation to work in the world.
What God chooses to do, and how God chooses to act in the world is again, a mystery. But again, that mystery is one that God calls us to embrace, to live in, and to work and do ministry within.
I am committed to the beliefs and the confessions of the Lutheran Church. They represent a theology that is relevant, grace-oriented and dynamic. The prospect of helping people to understand and to experience God’s love and grace is something that excites me.
One of the things that has become clear to me in the past 3 years is that I feel called to proclamation and to the administration of Word and Sacrament in a way I never have before. These acts are central to our faith and to our identity as Lutherans. I am intentional in this issue of identity. Much has been said in recent years about the diminishing role of denominations and their lack of relevance. Congregations have been shifting away from common denominational identifiers to remove any “red flags” for people (especially younger generations) that might cause a person to look elsewhere.
While I understand this argument and the logic behind it, I believe the cost of abandoning our identity is too great. To borrow the cliché, “if you try to be everything to everybody all of the time, odds are, you’ll wind up being not much to anybody barely any of the time.” Each denomination, our own included, has a particular identity and world view. These are important in understanding what a faith community believes, what it does, and why it does it. Our Lutheran worldview presents a unique perspective on the gospel; one which resonates with me. I am excited to have a new leadership role in such a church. I believe that this identity is not a deficit, but is an asset.
What would be my primary functions if ordained? How would I remain “diligent and faithful” as a pastor? Primarily this would happen by administering the Word and Sacraments. Likewise though, by being a manifestation of God’s grace, love and faith in others and providing pastoral care to people who struggle in their faith journey. By standing up for those in need and who are oppressed, and by continuing to study scripture, theology and the ministry of the church.
What is the role of the church? It is to be one of the primary ways that Christ’s love and Spirit continue to become incarnate in the lives of people and the world. The church is made up, quite simply of the people of God, gathered together in Christ’s name. This happens in numerous ways: worship, service, fellowship, learning and growth. Each church stands as a place where the community gathers to celebrate gifts and to be empowered to work in the world. It is this last step where I believe that we as the church tend to fall short. We are good a gathering, but need to develop our understanding that ministry is daily life. The banker or insurance agent that worships on Sunday is equally responsible to do ministry in their home, with their family, in their workplace and wherever they go.
The church stands to help its people understand this call, and to train and prepare them for these tasks.
III. Faithful Living
Initially I believed that reflecting on my personal, vocational and spiritual development since entering the candidacy process would be challenging. I have only been in the candidacy process for four months. Still, as I have worked at this process, I have made some observations about my own life and faith.
The process of telling people about my decision to pursue this new sense of call has been itself an exercise in “parking lot theology”. The reactions of people was interesting. Overall, there was a great deal of excitement and support. Some people fell into the “we were wondering when you were going to get around to this” category. Others, who knew my commitment to the ministry of the laity were surprised by the decision. My Mother cried with happiness. Most of the people I encountered were not at all surprised. One person said explained to me that “you have always been perceived pastorally, you have been pastoral in how you have tended the lives and faith of young people…it’s now just that your vocation is catching up with you.”
When I have talked with people about this change in my life, it has opened doors into new opportunities to think about and articulate my sense of call. I have been questioned, challenged, and have had to explain my faith story. This has helped influence and affirm my sense of call to pastoral ministry.
Secondly, since I began the candidacy process, I have entered into Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE). Even though it is still early in this process, it has already challenged me in my perception of what it is to be a “pastoral presence” for people. My greatest fear going into CPE was the challenge of walking in to a room with an emotionally charged situation around life and death. It was not accidental, then, that my Supervisor assigned me to the ER, ICU and Cardiac units at Unity Hospital in Fridley. In my first week on the cardiac floor I was in a situation where I was providing pastoral care to a man who was dying from chronic lung disease. He was unable to communicate, though the nurses suspected that he could hear. I knew nothing about his faith background, but spent time with him, spoke to him, read scripture and prayed. It was only later that I found out that he had been a Missouri Synod pastor for over 40 years.
This was one of the types of situations which I feared the most. Yet when I was actually there with him, I very much felt the presence of God. Issues of life and death are holy ground, and it was an honor to be present with him at this time. I felt very “at peace” with my role while I was in the room with him.
Since that day I have been thinking a great deal about my “pastoral identity.” My level of anxiety about life and death situations is still present, but my experiences to date at Mercy and Unity hospitals have taught me to be confident of the presence of God during these times. My sense of “pastoral identity” is not yet clear. I suspect that it will not ever be completely understood. But what I have come to realize since my entrance into the candidacy process is that I do have a pastoral identity. This, I think, gets at the heart of my sense of call.: It’s not that I am seeking to become a pastor; instead, my vocation is that of pastor. I am seeking to align my professional and vocational lives.
There are several places that contribute to the nourishment of my faith, health and well-being. My life is complicated and “overloaded.” “Multi-tasking” is a way of life for me. It is first and foremost the grace and love of God that carries me through times that are difficult. I have faith in God largely because I do make it through each day. Ironically, when I have distanced myself from God in our relationship, it goes unnoticed until I return to a more complete relationship. Then I recognize how far I have wandered. But it is my own will that wavers, not the love and grace of God.
Secondly, my life is made whole by my family. I am incredibly blessed with an amazing spouse and two incredible children. Together, these three bring such joy to my life that I cannot even describe it. Even after the worst possible day, it is walking into our home and seeing Lori, Nathan and Samuel that lifts my spirit. Within my life, these three people are the incarnation of God’s love. Just being privileged to watch the act of creation continue in the hearts and minds of our boys is a testament to me of what God is up to in the world. My faith is strengthened just being around the boys. And at their ages, they (especially Nathan, age 4) are exploring the “God-talk” that so pervades their lives. The questions and wonderings of these two boys prompt me to explore my own faith. My faith grows through them.
My congregation is another source of life for me. Lord of Life is a wonderful place to do ministry. I get to work with an amazing team of colleagues who are deeply committed to their work. When I started my ministry at Lord of Life, it was a community of 1700 members. Now, with over 7000, and being present 17 of its 25 years, I realize that to some extent, the congregation and I have “grown up” together. They have given me the freedom and the trust to try new things, and have allowed me to “fail” occasionally. There is a sense of life and joy in that place that infects my heart. I am honored to have been called to work with their young people.
I am also blessed with good friends. Though we all are older and have children now, thus seeing each other less often, when we do connect it is significant and meaningful. We have walked with each other through joy and tragedy and their example of unconditional love is a model of Christ in the world for me.
The phrase found in “Visions and Expectations” that I am to function as a public minister “whose life and conduct are above reproach” is in one way a simple affirmation: I agreed to live by those standards when I was certified as an Associate in Ministry in 1989. I have strived to be worthy of my call. That will not change.
In another way, however, I am deeply challenged by that phrase. (as I was in 1988.) All people, including those called to public leadership in the church, are sinners. We all make mistakes that can cause our motives, however pure they are, into question. We all think of ourselves first. We all have ego that gets in the way of ministry. We all make mistakes.
Luckily, I know that we have a God who forgives us. As I often say, “I’m really banking on grace!” In the meantime, I will continue to work hard to be a person of integrity, whose life reflects his faith.
But I can say with confidence, “yes, I will abide by the visions and expectations as an ordained minister of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.” I will do my best to live the life that God and the church calls me to, by and because of the grace of God.
[1] Please see my candidacy “Entrance Essay” for more details on this shift.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Sarah Hart
I met and worked with Sarah Hart at the Extravaganza last week. She is so cool. Integrity. Gifts. Skills. Fun...
Her album, "In These Rooms" is really good. I gave it to my wife.
Her album, "In These Rooms" is really good. I gave it to my wife.
Worship as trend
I'm really curious about the new forms of worship that are appearing.
Vertical worship?
What about the horizontal?
"Me and God" music, or "Jesus is my boyfriend" music?
Puzzled.
Vertical worship?
What about the horizontal?
"Me and God" music, or "Jesus is my boyfriend" music?
Puzzled.
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