Thinking about vocation

I suspect that vocation is going to be an ongoing theme for me in the next year. I'm re-entering the ELCA's candidacy process. It's something of a pain.

But my goal is to enter into ordained ministry. It's taken me a long time, and a lot of thought, reflection and prayer to get to this point. I'm past the entrance stage and am moving ahead pretty quickly. If all goes well, all of my "work" will be complete at the end of May.

Why am I doing this? Good question. I am posting the text from my Entrance Essay below. Hopefully it will give a sense of what's going on in my mind and heart. Any comments/feedback/input is appreciated:

Todd E. Buegler, AIM
Lord of Life Lutheran Church, Maple Grove, Mn
Todd@LordofLife.org
Entrance Essay – Candidacy for Ordained Ministry


I am remarkably blessed and very thankful.

I have an amazing life. I have been happily married to Lori, an amazing woman, for almost ten years. I have two beautiful sons, Nathan (age 3 ½) and Samuel (20 months). These three people bring more joy to my life than I ever thought was possible. I have served as the Director of Youth and Family Ministries at Lord of Life Lutheran Church of Maple Grove for 18 years. This past spring at our graduation recognition, I was blessed to bring to the altar and to lead congregational prayer for young people, some of whom I have known since they were 1 year-old.

Since my call to Lord of Life, the congregation has grown from 1800 baptized members to a congregation of almost 7000 and has included 1 congregational building project and a complete relocation to a new campus. My role has changed from the “solo” staff person to overseeing a staff of six working with jr and sr high.

I am remarkably blessed and very thankful.

In the time I have been at Lord of Life, with their strong support I have received my M.A. Degree in Youth and Family Ministry at Luther Seminary, and have returned there as an adjunct instructor in the same field. I have been rostered as an Associate in Ministry, and have been a strong advocate for congregational lay ministry. I have been blessed to be a part of a team which has given shape to the ELCA Youth Ministry Network, an organization which helps provide education and support to over 1000 professionals and volunteers in youth and family ministry. For the last 5 years, I have served as president of that organization.

I am remarkably blessed and very thankful.

So it is with some surprise that I find myself drawn to a new call. For the last 2-3 years, I have had a nagging feeling of unrest in the back of my mind and heart. I love what I do. Yet, I have a feeling that my work is somehow incomplete, and I yearn for more. There are moments in my ministry where I have worked extensively with a group, or a mission trip team, or an individual, and then at a point of significance I have to “hand off” the work to someone else to complete. This has happened more frequently as the people with whom I have worked have grown up and married, had children, or as worship and the sacraments have become even more important in our ministry with youth and families. Because of the relationships that have developed, I have been asked to do both weddings and funerals for young people whose lives have intersected with mine. In the last few years I have come to grieve that I have not been able to fulfill these requests.

I have mixed feelings. I have been an advocate for laity in ministry and do not want to be perceived as changing my opinions. But for me personally, I have come to realize that God is calling me to a different form of ministry.

I come from a “church family.” My parents and my two brothers were firmly embedded in the community at Diamond Lake Lutheran Church even prior to baptism. We lived only 1 block from the church and we were the ones called whenever there was a need to set up tables or move chairs. My first lesson in stewardship came when my Mother told me that one of my chores was to mow the lawn of the parsonage, for free. While faith talk was never a part of our dinner conversation, we were all engaged in the faith. I knew that at one time my father had considered becoming a pastor. (Of course, he also considered trying to join the CIA. He settled for a career at 3M.) It was not a shock or a surprise that I announced my intention to become a pastor after graduating from Gustavus Adolphus College. Taking a position at Lord of Life as their first Director of Youth and Family Ministry was going to be a 2-3 year diversion before beginning my work towards an M.Div and pastoral ministry.
The surprise came instead when after 1 year of study at Luther Seminary I changed my mind. I wasn’t happy in the M.Div program and questioned my sense of call. I was happiest, and at my best when working with youth and families at Lord of Life. I realized that my sense of call to ordained ministry came as a result of expectations, not from God. God was not calling me to work as a pastor. Rather, my work in youth and family ministry was what fulfilled me, and was where I excelled. I transferred into the M.A. program in Youth and Family Ministry. It was the right decision. I have been richly blessed by that educational program.

My life now is very different than it was as a new college graduate. Socially, emotionally, financially and spiritually, I am stable and growing. I have continued my education, being accepted into Luther Seminary’s D.Min program in the fall of 2002. My education continues to challenge me, and in fact is one of the triggers for me reconsidering my sense of call now.

I have always visualized my sense of God’s call as a funnel. Wide at the beginning of the journey, with many different options, over time those other options (teaching, graduate school in history, social work) had dropped by the wayside and my journey narrowed until youth and family ministry became my only option, my only call. I believe that this analogy still holds true. It is not that I am reconsidering my call. Rather, the funnel, the journey, is taking a “turn” towards in a different direction.