Cinderella man

The DVD sat on my kitchen counter for probably a week. I wasn't in a hurry...it was from Netflix. It could go back at anytime.

I just wasn't that interested in seeing the movie...a boxing movie didn't interest me that much. We finally got around to watching it on Friday night.

Wow. Was I wrong. What an amazing movie. It really isn't a boxing movie. Not at all. Not even close. It is a movie about life, tragedy, glory, family, values, and what it is to be a good man. A really good man.

I wonder sometimes about men losing their role models for how to be men. I wonder how generations learn how the values of providing for, and caring for their loved ones. This is a great movie all about men living up to their responsibility...doing what is difficult when it is right.

The best line? When Braddock is asked about why he's suddenly turned his career around for the better he says "Now I know what I'm fighting for." "What's that?" asks the reporter. Pause. "Milk." In a depression era film, it makes all the sense in the world.

What are men's responsibilities now? It's not just to work, though that is what we sometimes think. That is a role confusion...it is the tail wagging the dog.

Much to think about.

Chemo Round 1

The first major step is over. My Mother had her first round of chemotherapy this morning/afternoon. There were some initial tests that had to be run first, but then around noon she sat down in the chair for the treatment.

It was a fairly surreal experience, sitting with her. Kind of like I was outside of myself "looking in." The staff and nurses at Fairview Southdale were great, and did a nice job reassuring her and answering her (millions of) questions.

For the first hour or so, a guy came into the treatment room and played guitar. He never really played anything, he just sort of noodled around. It was kind of funny...nobody seemed to pay any attention to him...he just did his thing. To be honest, I never even really noticed when he left.

I've noticed a desire in my Mom to want to pull back and isolate herself. I've seen this before in people I have worked with who were in similar situations of crisis. My sense is that they want to isolate others (and possibly themselves) from the emotional and psychological pain that they experience. I haven't really noticed it before in such an intense way...I haven't walked through this with a family member before.

The reality of suffering is a little more vivid for me right now. The power of emotional pain is tangible.

The treatment went well. Many of the understandings I had are old and out-of-date. It's not a picnic, but it's not, according to the nurses, as acute as it used to be in terms of reactions. However, that's easy for me to say.

I find myself looking for theological meanings in this experience. But they are not clear to me yet. I think it's all just too new.

A Punch to the Gut

It is cancer. My Mother has cancer.

They don't know much in the way of details yet. Test results are coming. But they think it is an aggressive form.

I've spent much of the last two days kind of in a daze. It feels like I've been punched hard. When Mom called with the initial test results, it kind of sucked the breath right out of me. It doesn't feel like I've caught up again.

Emotions? Sorrow...anger...confusion...fear...

Much to work on.

That word

My mother received a possible diagnosis this morning. The word: cancer. It's a word that I've never heard before in regard to a member of my own family. It's a word that puts a shiver down the spine. It's a word that brings fear.

Today it's a word that I heard in connection with someone I love.

It's not a done-deal. There is the inevitable waiting for tests results. However we think we'll know more in 24 hours.

Mom is...shall we say...on the edge of frantic. The problem is, as an RN, she knows just enough to make her dangerous, at least to her own psyche.

So there are no answers, and there is surprisingly little to grip/clutch/hold on to. We pray, but this is going to be a very rough ride.

Want to be a Sheep?

“Want To Be A Sheep?”
Matthew 25:31-46
Todd Buegler
March 3-4, 2007
Lord of Life


Grace and peace to you from God our Creator, and from Jesus, the Son of God, who is the Good Shepherd! Amen.

As a young boy, probably 7 or 8 years old, I feared the moment. It was the moment I’d have to face my parents. It hadn’t even really occurred to me when my friend and I crouched down to use a stick to write our initials in the fresh, wet concrete of the sidewalk that it was a bad idea. We didn’t do it out of malice. It was wet, shiny and huge…a giant eternal chalk board. It seemed perfectly logical to me at the time. And we were so intent on doing a good job with our handwriting that it totally took us by surprise when the owner of the home, who had walked up behind us, cleared his throat. Immediately my “fight or flight” reflex activated and I wanted to run. Unfortunately, I’ve always had slow reflexes. His hands came down on each of our shoulders and lifted us up. We were so busted.

The worst thing was when Mom said “we’d talk about it when Dad got home.” So I sat in my room waiting in a kind of a “pre-grounding” mode. I was guilty…no question. I sat there like a criminal awaiting judgment.

I’ve always had anxiety about being judged. Moments like that, awaiting the inevitable, or any of the other thousands of times I got caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing. And there are other forms of judging: taking tests, an institutionalized form of judgment, was always stressful for me. I remember playing piano in the state “contest”, or trying out for a “chair” assignment in band…reciting memorization when I was in confirmation…interviewing for jobs…defending a master’s thesis…pitching a new proposal…all moments of fear and anxiety. Being judged makes me nervous.

I don’t think that I am unique in my nervousness around being judged. I’m guessing it’s a pretty universal response, and that many in this room share my anxiety.

Actually, the more I think about it, maybe it’s not the moment of judgment that makes me nervous, but rather is the separation that comes at the end of it. Separation into winners and losers…into the good and the bad…into the “first chairs” and the “also rans”…into the smart and the not so smart…into the guilty and the innocent… We’ve even turned it into entertainment. “American Idol” is based on judging and separating people into the talented and the untalented, with the untalented becoming the victim of Simon’s wrath. None of us like to be separated. We all want to be included. It is one of our base hopes and needs. Nobody likes to be excluded.

Unfortunately, that’s just not how the world works. Humans are experts at separating ourselves: Not only into winners and losers, good and bad. We find other ways to separate ourselves: by economic class, by race, by religion, by region, by gender…we make judgments and separations all of the time. We judge every single day.

During the season of Lent, we are looking at “Servant Sayings” of Jesus. The words he spoke that told us about serving others, and ultimately, serving him. Our Gospel for today is one of those texts. But there’s more to it than a simple and easy, “hey, you should serve.” There is an element of judgment that ties into it, and frankly, that makes me nervous and a little uncomfortable.

Jesus is speaking about the “final judgment”, when God will separate us. The analogy Jesus uses is “sheep” and “goats.” And he makes it clear which one he wants us to be. Jesus is telling us that we will be judged based on how and who we have served. If we have done well, we are sheep, and we will be blessed. If we do not, we will be goats, and Jesus will say to us (and I quote): “Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.” Wow. No pressure there!

Why sheep and goats? People who lived during Jesus’ time knew exactly what Jesus meant: It was good to be a sheep. It was bad to be a goat. Sheep were animals that people wanted. They were easy to care for, they produced wool, and at the end of their usefulness, they were tasty. Goats? Not so much. They were difficult to care for and required time and patience. They didn’t listen or mind as well. They were unpleasant. They didn’t have as much hair and were more susceptible to the cold. That required extra work. Every night the shepherds would have to separate the goats from the sheep and move the goats to shelter, out of the cold. Because they were lower on the social “food chain”, they were used as a sacrifice to God to pay for people’s sins. Goats would be placed on the altar and killed to pay for the sins of the people. It was believed that God demanded a blood-sacrifice. This is, by the way, where the phrase “scape-goat” came from. Because of the goats, they would “escape” punishment. Nobody wanted goats when you could have sheep…and certainly no one wanted to be compared to a goat.

Jesus is quite clear that his call for us is to be concerned for the hurting people in the world. We know that when we care for the hungry, thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, the imprisoned, we are actually taking care of Jesus. And in this piece of scripture, Jesus is describing how the final judgment will go. Jesus is going to gather the people and is going to ask a simple question: “What have you done?” And on the basis of the answer to that question, we are going to be separated: Sheep and goats.

I’ve got to be honest…this is kind of a difficult text for us. Lutherans have never been comfortable with the idea of God as judge. We much prefer the image of God as Savior. We know that we are saved by grace alone; that we do nothing to inherit eternal life; that none of us dare brag about our good works because we know down deep inside that we are sinners who are saved by grace. Lord of Life spent the entire last year studying and learning about grace. And we know that if we make it through the pearly gates, it is only because God is good, not because we are good. It is God’s goodness that saves us. We can never do enough to merit eternal life. It is pure gift. We know this. It is deep within our Lutheran DNA.

But this judgment scripture still hangs out there in front of us. Jesus doesn’t make it easy for us; he doesn’t let us off the hook! There is still judgment ahead. So how do we reconcile God’s grace and God’s judgment? If we take seriously Ephesians 2:8, which says “For by grace you have been saved through faith, it is not your own doing, it is a gift from God”, then what’s the deal about being separated into sheep and goats? It’s about God’s grace and our belief, not about what we do. Right?

Yes. It is about God’s grace and our belief. But what Jesus is saying in this text is that what a person does for the poor and the suffering reveals what, and in whom, they believe. If a person believes, they obey. If a person believes in Jesus Christ as God and Savior, they live as God would have them live.

I had a teacher once who used to say that the two best indicators of a person’s values are their calendar and their wallet. He would say “show me where a person spends their time, and where a person spends their money, and I can tell you what they believe.”

In Jesus’ words, he is calling us out. He is saying “yes, your salvation is dependent on grace through faith. Show me your faith…show me what you believe…Do you really believe what you say? Are you all talk? Are you putting your money, or your calendar where your mouth is?”

When Jesus judges, he will ask “what have you done?” The answer will reveal our faith. When Jesus asks us the question, “What have you done for the least of these, my brothers and sisters”, this does not contradict the grace of God, that salvation is pure gift. It is a question that asks for evidence of our faith in that belief.

Let me illustrate: I love my children completely. Is that true for anyone else here? Do any of you love your children to the unconditionally? To the extreme? Immensely? Graciously? That is just the way it is. I would do anything for them. I would die for them. But I still ask them “did you do your chores?”, “did you remember to make your bed?” “Did you pick up your toys?” “Were you good for Mom today?” My love for the boys is great, but I still ask the question: “What did you do today?”

This is also true of God. God’s love for you is great, but God still asks you and me the question: Did you do your chores today? Did you take care of the sick, the poor, the orphans, the starving, the thirsty, the refugees, the homeless, the hungry, the lonely in the nursing homes? Have you done your chores today?” That God asks you that question does not mean that God does not love you. It is just the opposite. Because God does love you unconditionally, God then asks you that question.

“What did you do for the littlest of people? What did you do for those in need? What did you do for the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, the imprisoned.” Whether we like it or not, Jesus tells us that he does judge. Jesus will separate us: the sheep and the goats. We all want to be included with the sheep, the blessed.

But here’s the truth: We all fall short. If the question is “what did you do?” The point of that question isn’t a list of our activities. The point of the question is “do you really believe…enough to do what I ask? In reality, none of us can measure up. We are all goats. We are all deserving of punishment.

Let’s fact it: I do not serve like Jesus asks…you do not serve like Jesus asks. I want desperately to be a sheep, and I try. But I fail. If all Christians who believe in God served as he asks, there would not be hunger…no one would be homeless…no one would be lonely…

Jesus knows this. And Jesus knows that we are bound by sin and cannot free ourselves. Jesus knows that we cannot make ourselves sheep. So he judges, and he asks the question “What did you do?” Like a guilty child facing a judging parent, we know that nothing we can say can justify ourselves to God. And so Jesus judges. He says “you are a goat.” But then he does something amazing. Instead of casting us out...instead of cursing us…he himself becomes a goat…the ultimate scape-goat…he is punished for what we have done, and for the things we should have, but haven’t. For three days he suffers that pain of ultimate separation on our behalf. On the cross, when he says “My God, why have you forsaken me” he’s not just wondering where God is…he is experiencing the ultimate separation from the God of love.

He experiences this, so that we do not have to. And ultimately, through his resurrection, he defeats death. Because of Jesus, we are all made sheep. We are all made worthy.

And so we serve. We care for people. We do this not because we fear being separated from God, but because God has already promised that when the separation comes, we will be included with the sheep…the blessed…the inheritors of eternal life.

My fellow sheep, we serve, not because we fear judgment, but because we are grateful.

Amen.