Looking Back

Looking Back
Luke 17:1-4
Lent 5 – Thursday Lenten Service
Todd Buegler
March 13, 2008
Lord of Life


Grace and peace to you from God our Creator, and from Jesus, the Son of God, and our Savior who is forgiveness! Amen.

My Grandfather used to say that you have to start a project with the end in mind. In other words, if you have something important to do, you think of the end-result and work backwards to figure out what you need to do to achieve your end result. Pretty good advice. And I think this is as true in life as much as it is in projects at work or at home. We live life with the end in mind.

Let me frame that in the form of a question: When I am in the twilight of my life, what do I want to be able to look back and say about how I lived?

We could spend a lot of time looking at, creating and examining our lists. We’d want to be good to our families…good at our jobs…we’d want to be great golfers…no wait, that was Pastor Peter…we’d want to be good friends… many thing on the list would be pretty easy to write. But once I got past these first words; fairly easy to come up with, there would come other words…things that are a little more about qualities and less about activities. On the top of this list? After 6 weeks of Lent together, studying the book The Art of Forgiveness, after sermon series and Lenten services on forgiveness, it probably wouldn’t be a shock to realize that I have forgiveness on my mind. So, when I’m in the twilight of my life, in 150 years or so, I’d like to be able to look back and say that I was a good forgiver.

What is a good forgiver? Well, to be honest, I don’t feel like I’m as good at that as I’d like. So I’d like us to listen for a moment to two people who are looking back…who are examining and reflecting on their life. And it seems like they’ve been pretty good forgivers. I’d like us to listen to Norm and Ethel.



So what can we learn from Norm and from Ethel? What can we discover about forgiveness from their long life together? I think there are three things:

1. Forgiveness doesn’t have a shelf life. When we forgive, we forgive and move on. We don’t come back to it. Notice how Ethel said that “he never brought it up…he never used it against me…” The idea of “forgive and forget” is a myth. If someone does me wrong, even if I’ve forgiven them, I can’t totally set aside what has happened. I will always remember. And there’s no way that this experience won’t affect the way I deal with them. That’s human nature.

But relationships of love trump anger. Every time. And while we may be angry for awhile, ultimately we know that a relationship based on love will overcome that anger. Ultimately, the relationship will win out and we will move beyond even the memories.

2. Forgiveness is a choice. We have to decide to forgive. It is a step we take, and it cannot just be assumed that we will always forgive. For once someone assumes that the gift of forgiveness is coming their way, they cheapen the power and measure of that gift. Even after 50 years of marriage, a husband, a wife, a friend, a co-worker has to ask for forgiveness with sincerity so that the gift can be given freely.

Relationships of love trump the taking of each other for granted. Every time. In a relationship based upon love, the person in the wrong should always ask for forgiveness rather than assume it, because they know that this love is precious and is worth guarding and protecting. And we want the other person to forgive. So we ask…gently and respectfully…we ask.

3. Forgiveness requires patience. Norm and Ethel said this several times. Forgiveness requires patience. We forgive over and over and over; even when it is hard. In our human economy, we look at things through the lens of “cost effectiveness.” In other words, we will forgive until the cost for forgiving becomes too great for us; until it is just too difficult, or too painful. Norm and Ethel would seem to suggest the opposite. In their life together, they have chosen a different economy; one based on love. In this economy, one cannot forgive too many timees.

Relationships of love trump cost-effectiveness; every time. The relationship based on love looks at the other first and realizes that the love we have in the relationship is of more value than the feelings of anger I may carry.

A caveat here: This kind of relationship doesn’t mean that we tolerate or justify continued abuse…or injustice…or bad behavior. Sometimes we do need to draw a line and say “no more.” The greek word is “metanoia.” It means “complete turn around.” When there is metanoia, and someone asks forgiveness, when someone repents, the relationship based on love will always be there offering forgiveness.

All of these observations are based on forgiveness being nested in a loving relationship. The ultimate relationship based on love is the relationship we have with God. Jesus Christ, because of grace, and through no work of our own, loves us so much that every time we come back to him and ask for forgiveness, we are granted that gift. Every time we repent, we are given grace. That is what God does for each of you.

In the twilight of my days, I want to be known as a forgiving person. But I know that the only way that this can happen is if I totally rely and depend on the grace, the love and the forgiveness of God.

God’s love has no shelf life. It exists because God chose to give it, and because God is patient beyond our ability to understand.

It is gift. And because it is given in abundance, we are able to share, to re-gift it to others. My hope for all of us is that we can live now with the end in mind. That we can remember both the forgiveness we have received, and the forgiveness we have given; that we live in the bold confidence that we are both forgiven, and forgiving and that we rely on grace.

Amen.